Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I just need to get this out
I'm sick and tired of everything going on right now.
(prepare yourselves for an annoying rant about my life. you at least got a warning)
Why the hell am I getting so sick? Is it because of stress? Was I just caught with food poisoning at first? All I can feel is this annoying pain in my stomach all the time now. When I woke up this morning, I was spitting BROWN. When I go to the bathroom, it's fucking so close to black I have to stick my damn face in it to differentiate any other color. What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I have such a bad panic/anxiety/depression attack the other night? I felt as if, and this is the best way I can describe it, my nerves were disconnected within my body, thus leaving me unable to move/touch/see/emote. On Sunday I worked 11-3 (the night before sleeping 5 hours), slept for an hour and a half, then worked a rough shift of 6-11:30, THEN AFTER NO SLEEP, worked a truck-unloading shift at my other job 5-12:30, and then went home to puke (since at 5am I drank a Monster energy drink on an empty stomach, fearing I would crash). I laid in bed trying to sleep, BUT I COULDN'T. At this point, I'm fatigued, and feel completely numb. To top it off, I got called in to work a 6-8 shift, and after THAT I was to play in my co-ed volleyball team for the first night. I remember making my way downstairs, but I don't remember having the vision-capabilities of getting downstairs, and then I suddenly felt a swelling pain on my hand, and then I began to cry uncontrollable for 10 minutes. It was at this point that my dad was freaking out, and he had to call off work FOR me since I was unable to mutter a 4-word sentence. Was it because I was so physically and mentally exhausted, that all my defenses towards the stress I have in my life was lowered and came crumbling down?
My dad was assaulted and abducted when he was at a damn PSYCHIATRIST VISIT. My mother is selling her home, that I grew up in, and that leaves a fear of me never being able to contact her again. We're loosing our house in Valparaiso, thus forcing our family to separate just to fucking survive. I'm working two retail jobs, which ALMOST was left to one, since my stupid fucking store manager has been harassing me and left a reference towards the second job in shreds. I'm lonely as hell. I feel like all my friends are succeeding in life and working towards their careers, while I'm left to suffer in retail hell. I can barely pay my bills with the two jobs that I have, thus putting more strain with my dad's finances, along with my own. I can't even FUCKING sleep because my mind is going a million miles a second, and just wont shut off.
What am I suppose to do? I can't keep going on like this, it's killing me. I haven't been this upset since my parents went through their divorce. EVEN with my December 07 horror story of both my sister and my father being in 2 separate car accidents, on top of graduating college, what I'm going through right now feels 10x worse. I feel like going to therapy wouldn't do me any good, since I've done that before.
I'm completely lost.
(prepare yourselves for an annoying rant about my life. you at least got a warning)
Why the hell am I getting so sick? Is it because of stress? Was I just caught with food poisoning at first? All I can feel is this annoying pain in my stomach all the time now. When I woke up this morning, I was spitting BROWN. When I go to the bathroom, it's fucking so close to black I have to stick my damn face in it to differentiate any other color. What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I have such a bad panic/anxiety/depression attack the other night? I felt as if, and this is the best way I can describe it, my nerves were disconnected within my body, thus leaving me unable to move/touch/see/emote. On Sunday I worked 11-3 (the night before sleeping 5 hours), slept for an hour and a half, then worked a rough shift of 6-11:30, THEN AFTER NO SLEEP, worked a truck-unloading shift at my other job 5-12:30, and then went home to puke (since at 5am I drank a Monster energy drink on an empty stomach, fearing I would crash). I laid in bed trying to sleep, BUT I COULDN'T. At this point, I'm fatigued, and feel completely numb. To top it off, I got called in to work a 6-8 shift, and after THAT I was to play in my co-ed volleyball team for the first night. I remember making my way downstairs, but I don't remember having the vision-capabilities of getting downstairs, and then I suddenly felt a swelling pain on my hand, and then I began to cry uncontrollable for 10 minutes. It was at this point that my dad was freaking out, and he had to call off work FOR me since I was unable to mutter a 4-word sentence. Was it because I was so physically and mentally exhausted, that all my defenses towards the stress I have in my life was lowered and came crumbling down?
My dad was assaulted and abducted when he was at a damn PSYCHIATRIST VISIT. My mother is selling her home, that I grew up in, and that leaves a fear of me never being able to contact her again. We're loosing our house in Valparaiso, thus forcing our family to separate just to fucking survive. I'm working two retail jobs, which ALMOST was left to one, since my stupid fucking store manager has been harassing me and left a reference towards the second job in shreds. I'm lonely as hell. I feel like all my friends are succeeding in life and working towards their careers, while I'm left to suffer in retail hell. I can barely pay my bills with the two jobs that I have, thus putting more strain with my dad's finances, along with my own. I can't even FUCKING sleep because my mind is going a million miles a second, and just wont shut off.
What am I suppose to do? I can't keep going on like this, it's killing me. I haven't been this upset since my parents went through their divorce. EVEN with my December 07 horror story of both my sister and my father being in 2 separate car accidents, on top of graduating college, what I'm going through right now feels 10x worse. I feel like going to therapy wouldn't do me any good, since I've done that before.
I'm completely lost.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
This is so sad:
http://community.livejournal.com/bloomington/1893517.html
In short:
Breaking news: Delilah's pet store burning
My boss just reported that Delilah's pet store is on fire, right now.
The HT has this as of 7:30:
Bloomington firefighters are battling a major fire at Delilah’s Pet Shop at 1320 North College.
The Fire Department was notified of the blaze when a passerby noticed smoke billowing from the building. Bloomington police officers have been able to save about 18 pets so far, and are trying to save more from inside the building.
The intersection at College Ave. and North College is closed. Updates will follow.
Update:
8:37 a.m.
Fire fighters say the fire at Delilah's Pet Shop will probably be an all-day affair. The intersection at 1320 N. College remains closed as at least six fire trucks battle the blaze.
It now looks as if about a dozen of the pet shop's 30 cats and dogs were rescued. They were taken to the Arlington Heights Veterinary Hospital.
I can't believe this happened...
In short:
Breaking news: Delilah's pet store burning
My boss just reported that Delilah's pet store is on fire, right now.
The HT has this as of 7:30:
Bloomington firefighters are battling a major fire at Delilah’s Pet Shop at 1320 North College.
The Fire Department was notified of the blaze when a passerby noticed smoke billowing from the building. Bloomington police officers have been able to save about 18 pets so far, and are trying to save more from inside the building.
The intersection at College Ave. and North College is closed. Updates will follow.
Update:
8:37 a.m.
Fire fighters say the fire at Delilah's Pet Shop will probably be an all-day affair. The intersection at 1320 N. College remains closed as at least six fire trucks battle the blaze.
It now looks as if about a dozen of the pet shop's 30 cats and dogs were rescued. They were taken to the Arlington Heights Veterinary Hospital.
I can't believe this happened...
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Oh dear lord
So with me being sick with food poisoning and all, I haven't worked at both B&B and P1. I did the usual thing, called in and explained that I was sick. No big problem, deshyou?
WRONG
Over at P1, after I called in sick, the store manager MADE an employee go over to B&B (while on the clock, mind you), to see if I was working over there or not. OMG WTF is up with this crazy bitch?! This is turning insane. We had our little "meeting" on Monday, where she was praising me that I was "a good working, always giving 110%", ect ect, and then she does this. I feel like P1 is a hostile working environment, and I am not safe when I go in there, all thanks to the store manager.
WRONG
Over at P1, after I called in sick, the store manager MADE an employee go over to B&B (while on the clock, mind you), to see if I was working over there or not. OMG WTF is up with this crazy bitch?! This is turning insane. We had our little "meeting" on Monday, where she was praising me that I was "a good working, always giving 110%", ect ect, and then she does this. I feel like P1 is a hostile working environment, and I am not safe when I go in there, all thanks to the store manager.
Diagnosis:
Turns out that I had/have food poisoning! Huzzah! Its so wonderful that
A- My day off turned into a puke-fest
B- On Halloween, I had to call off work at Bath and Body (my second day, go figure), AANNNDD not have any Halloween fun!
C- I had to call off at Pier 1 as well!
As much as I love to relax, I don't like to loose money, NOR having to come up with doctor's notes about being sick. Fun fun fun!
*stab stab stab*
A- My day off turned into a puke-fest
B- On Halloween, I had to call off work at Bath and Body (my second day, go figure), AANNNDD not have any Halloween fun!
C- I had to call off at Pier 1 as well!
As much as I love to relax, I don't like to loose money, NOR having to come up with doctor's notes about being sick. Fun fun fun!
*stab stab stab*
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